About friends

Tonight I got to see one of my best friends from college, Anette, whom I haven't seen in years. We met during our first semester at Augsburg. Throughout the fall of 2004 we spent many, many hours talking about life and other general topics that we both enjoyed discussing. It has been 4 years since then. Tonight, when I saw my friend, I was genuinely HAPPY! I know that 4 years is a rather long time, and a lot has changed in both of our lives during this time, but still, we are the same persons and regardless of how much time goes by, we will remain friends. I don't think that friends necessarily have to talk or write to each other every day. I think that if it is a true friendship, it will last no matter what. I know that because I have several friends whom I haven't seen in years, and yet, I know that next time I see them, I will be genuinely happy and our friendship will feel just as natural and comfortable as if we just talked to each other the day before.
I have never found it too hard to keep in touch with people who are physically far away. I think that generally I am a very dedicated person which helps me to stay in touch. If I see that I really have a lot in common with a person, I will do my best to hold onto it as long as possible, and hopefully, for a lifetime. I remain dedicated through hard times because let's face it, nothing is going to be perfect. I think that it would be too naive to think that something is or should be perfect. Therefore, it is up to us to hold onto the positive and use that to feed our relationships. I know it seems like I am praising myself for being dedicated, but I am really not. I am simply stating how I approach relationships with people and it really works for me.
I hope that each and every person has at least one and hopefully many relationships that will last a lifetime... relationships that endure through hard times, relationships that will make you genuinely happy every single time you meet that person.

Family

I was just thinking how much I really miss my family. I never admit this to myself, but the truth is that I miss them like crazy. My childhood was not perfect but regardless of what it was, I still miss it. And most of all, I miss my parents. So many times I feel guilty because I have chosen to live so far away from them. I know that my parents are glad that my brother and I are both happy doing things we want to do, but at the same time, I know that at the bottom of their hearts, they both wish that we all lived closer together (and by that I mean, in the same country). I was just thinking that it has been 4 years since all four of us - me, mom, dad, and my brother - have all been in the same room! I remember as a little girl, we would all wake up early, but since it was weekend and none of us wanted to get out of bed, my brother and I would go to my parent's bedroom and we'd all lie in my parents' huge bed and talk for hours... It was such a happy time... and I miss it a lot. I know that those times will never come back, and it's really sad, but all I wish is to see my entire family all together. I miss you mom and dad!!!

When you try to do things too fast...

You get hurt! I was making dinner today and I was in a big hurry because I was starving. So, as I was cutting the eggplant I managed to slice a chunk off of my thumb too :( It really sucks to have your finger cut because I need my fingers to type, and it seems like that's the activity I do most these days... Anyways, I guess I will survive...

Other than that, today was a really long day, but it was pleasant (with the exception of the 2-hour evidence class during which I thought I would pass out from hunger). One of the interesting things that happened was that I was talking to someone who was sharing her life with me which was very similar to some of the experiences I have had. As she was talking, I felt that she was reading some of my thoughts. And it made me realize that we, humans, have so much in common with one another. Her story made me look at myself from another perspective so I thought it was really interesting because I realized things that I would not have realized otherwise.

That's it for now. I know that my posts often contain various unrelated ideas but I guess that's how I work :)

Chewing gum "makes me feel good" :)

Today one of my co-workers was commenting how I always have a pack of chewing gum sitting on my desk. So we got into a discussion about chewing gums and he was saying how he hasn't been chewing gum since high school. So in response, I was trying to tell him that I like to keep a pack on my desk because I like to have a piece after I eat lunch because "chewing gum makes me feel good." He laughed at my comment and I remembered that someone (you know who you are ) used to laugh at me because of that too :) hehe... but the truth is that what I meant to say is: I like to chew gum after every meal because I feel that I am going to have bad breath if I don't, so yes, in a way it does make me feel better since I am not self-conscious about bad breath :) Anyways, I thought it was funny that I said that again after a long time without even thinking about it.

Well, I am off to read some delightful cases in evidence law...

Where is "home"?

I was just thinking, is "home" the place where you were born, or is it a place found later in life where you feel completely comfortable? I think that a lot of people associate home with their birthplace, but I disagree. Nobody chooses to be born in a specific place. What if I absolutely hate winter but I was born in MN? Isn't it possible to go find a "home" somewhere warmer? I think that "home" is a place that each person has to find himself/herself, and for some, it may be the same place where they were born, but it does not have to be. I think that home can be somewhere very far away, and once you get there, you will know. It is possible to go to a place you never even thought existed and still feel at home. I have my own idea of what my "home-place" looks like. I imagine a busy place where people of all kinds are living together in harmony. I imagine cobble-stone streets with small shops and cafes where I can walk every day... and mountains in the horizon... When I try to have a complete picture in my head somehow it all gets distorted so I can't quite describe it but I feel that once I find that place, I will know :)

And life goes on...

One day at a time.

From an "emotional disaster" to a normal person :)

A couple of weeks back I wrote a post about being unable to control your emotions and being completely helpless when it comes to the feelings in your heart. The last few days, however, have been filled with some "eye-opening" experiences. The truth is that emotions sometimes bring you really down and you feel as if your life is over and nothing can make it better. Trust me, I've been there and I know how miserable it is. But the truth is, that's just temporary and sooner or later you will get over it, I promise :) I guess it takes some people longer than others, but I think that the most important thing is to WANT to get over it. I just realized that in the past I did not really want to be over something, I think I victimized myself a little and I kind of liked feeling sorry for myself. I started out feeling that way this time too, but a few days ago I realized that it's completely pointless and I really needed to take control of myself and grab onto something positive in my life. Believe me, it works. As I said, the most important thing is to WANT to feel better and then find a way to do it. And there are always ways other there, you just need to pick one and stick with it. Everyone in this life experiences some kind of pain. I feel that I have had my share too, and each time, it is a different kind of pain. Therefore, solution or the way out will be a little different each time. But at the same time, there is one thing in common - you have to remember that you are the one who controls how you feel, regardless of how helpless you may feel at times.

NYC

Well, as I said in one of my previous posts, it's never too early to start planning your vacation. I just bought tickets to go to NYC for two weeks over Christmas and New Year! I am very excited since I haven't seen my cousin who lives there for over 2 years and I haven't even met her husband yet since she got married about a year ago. I think it will be a good thing to look forward to as I try to get through my finals in December :)

Other than that, things are going well. Even though I still have a cold, I actually feel good in other respects... One of my best friends from Norway, Anette, is coming to the US in about a week so I will get to see her and meet her mom and sisters. I am very excited - it's been a long time since I saw her! We are going to make a home-made meal at my place and have a nice "girls night in" :)

Well, that's it for now. My head is still a little heavy from having a cold but I am still going to make something good for dinner and make it all better :)

Contradictions

I know I just wrote a post about being a night person... however, this morning I was out of bed at 6:20 a.m. and I was at work at 7 a.m. even though I could have slept in until at least 8 a.m. The thing is that I have a cold and my head feels stuffed so I could not sleep and I figured I might as well get up, have some tea and do something productive rather than stay in bed and feel miserable :) And it actually worked! The weird thing though was that it was still dark outside when I walked out so you could not really tell - it felt more like an evening. This is the time of the year when you start noticing that days are getting considerably shorter and the nights longer, which I could definitely feel this morning.

Being a "night person"

I have been asked this question many times and there is NO doubt whatsoever that I am a night person (well, I still continue to think so even though I have been going to bed rather early lately). The thing is that at night when everybody goes to sleep, it gets very quiet and I can focus on my homework or whatever else I am doing much better. In addition, more I get done at night, less work I will have left for the next day, which sometimes means that I can sleep in longer. If you gave me a choice to either go to bed at 3 a.m. or wake up at 6 a.m. I would pick going to bed at 3 a.m. even if I am going to get the same number of hours of sleep either way. The thing is that in the morning my brain is not quite functional. However, one good thing now is that when I walk to school/work in the morning, even though it is only a 15 minute walk, it helps me to wake myself up, so that has improved my "morning brain functionality" somewhat. Anyways, I guess it all depends on a person but it is a good thing to know which category you fall into so that you can work your schedule out. So many times I have "promised" to wake up early and do things in the morning - it almost never works. My alarm clock goes off, then I spend 15 or more minutes trying to decide whether to actually get out of bed, and 99 out of 100 I end up staying in bed. So I figured that there is no more point in doing that because it actually wastes my time. The only time I can actually force myself to get out of bed is when I have to catch a flight (although, a couple of times I actually have questioned whether I really needed to catch that flight :)) or when I have a really, really close deadline on something. So I guess I am still "tamable" but it has to be something really important that can't wait.

Sick again!

As much as I hate being sick, I am getting sick again :( I have been taking meds but I don't think they are helping much. I have so much to do and I have no time to be sick :( My throat is sore and it prevents me from sleeping well (I haven't been sleeping well anyways lately) which affects everything I do during the day.
But despite everything, life keeps going on. Fortunately, the weather is nice again which makes things a little more pleasant :) It always makes me feel good when I wake up in the morning and I see clear skies through my windows... except for the winter though, cuz you know that regardless of what it looks like through the windows it's still subzero outside :) I am glad Minneapolis has a great skyway system cuz I plan on using it quite a bit this winter as I walk from home to school and work.
I know it's too early still but the last few days I have been feeling very much like fall already. For some reason I always feel that fall is the saddest time of the year because everything around is getting ready for winter - the trees, the birds, the people... The only thing I like are the fall colors and then everything goes to sleep for a few months (or, if you live in MN, for a looooong time :)) I was just talking to someone who said that the only reason why she likes fall is because her sweater wardrobe is much better than her summer shirt wardrobe :)
Well, this post does not really have a point. Except to say that this might be a good time to do those "summer" things you did not get to do - go for a run, lie/walk on the grass, read in the park, wander around the streets...

sulieri simshvide...

...rasac amjerad vedzeb.

Figuring yourself out...

Do you ever feel like you have a thousand thoughts crossing your head and you are trying to make sense of all of them but you can't? I wish there was a way to control your thoughts. Sometimes I feel that they just come out of nowhere. Sometimes you don't want to think about anything, you just want to rest your mind and relax 100%, but you can't because thoughts like flies keep buzzing in your head. I suppose it depends on what you are thinking about too. If you are thinking about your upcoming vacation and of all the things you want to do then it's not that bad :) On the other hand, if you are thinking about something that is hurting you, then it can be a real challenge.

How often do we practice our values?

I think that the biggest problem in today's world is that people say one thing and then do something completely different. A year and a half ago, as my honors paper at Augsburg, I explored the topic of being able to practice your values in real life. Why is it people preach one thing, and when they find themselves confronted with it in real life, they do the opposite. Or even worse, people judge others and say how they are not like the others, but eventually, they become so immersed in life's circumstances that they becomes one of "the others." I know I have had a hard time being able to practice all of my values in real life. E.g. I am strongly opposed to child labor and yet, I buy clothes that were made in China or India and I know that there is some chance that those clothes were made using child labor. I guess that the most important thing is not to let the society tell you who you are, or how you should be, or what is the way "the others" do things. You have to be true to yourself and stick to your values, even though they make you different from others. I think that the people who are truly able to make a difference in this world are the people who keep their values and practice them regardless of what the society thinks of them. Anyways, it is just a little disappointing to see people change because of the societal influence, and especially when that change is to the worse, not to the better.

To trust, to have faith, and to forgive...

I was watching a movie the other day (the movie is called "Georgia Rule" in case you're interested) and I heard this quote which describes how I feel right now. The main character in that movie said that three things are the hardest to do in life: to trust, to have faith, and to forgive. I think that trusting someone is one of the hardest things to do. How do you know that a person is honest? How do you know that when they look at you and say something to you, they are not thinking something completely different? I guess some people are pretty transparent and it's easy to know when they are hiding something, but others are much better at it. I was just talking with someone who was trying to convince me that I should trust more. He was trying to tell me that I should not jump to conclusions. I guess he is right. In fact, I know that he is right, but at the same time, I feel that somewhere in my heart there is always a little doubt that does not want to leave. So, what should a person do? How do you become better at trusting? Or forgiveness? Can you really forgive someone completely? I obviously do not have any answers, and I don't know if I ever will. I guess that life is a process and you figure things out as you go, and unfortunately, sometimes you learn hard way. But hey, as I said in one of my previous posts, if something goes really, really wrong, that means that it could only get better, right? :) So I guess it's a good idea to focus on the future, and all the good that it may bring, instead of living in the past and allowing past wrongdoings affect your present.

When you are (not) ready...

I was just thinking: is it possible to be ready for anything and everything in this life? In high school I used to have a friend who always said that regardless of what happened to her, she always had a way out of any situation. I knew her close enough to know what was going on in her life and I found that she was right - it seemed that no situation was too complicated for her. The only time I saw her weakness was when she lost someone she thought would be her life partner, someone she seemed to love more than anyone or anything in this world. For a while she became a different person and it seemed that life had lost all color for her. Things that had made her happy before had now lost all meaning. I guess that the morale of the story is that regardless of how strong you are, there are situations you can't prepare for. It is possible to project your future and draw scenarios in your head, and yet, when the time comes, you still won't be 100% ready for it. It is bad when something too unexpected happens and you are caught off guard, but I guess it is even worse when you prepare yourself for something and still, when it happens, you realize that you are not ready for it at all...

Vacation :)

Okay, I know that the semester just started but it can never be too early to start planning your vacation, right? :) Anyways, I am already thinking about Christmas vacation since I doubt I will have any breaks until then. I do get a one-week fall break in October but I will probably end up working and doing homework that entire week. So there are two options for Christmas: one warm and the other cold (not quite as cold as Minneapolis though) - Miami or NYC. There are ups and downs to both. If I go to Miami:
* I would get a real break from Minnesota weather and enjoy some sun
* I would be vacationing with 2 friends
* However, speaking from personal experience, I always tend to get a "post-vacation depression" when I go to a warm place in the middle of the winter. Just imagine, a week in Miami: sun, ocean, fun... and then you come back to Minneapolis and what you see: snow, ice, work, school, etc.
On the other hand, if I go to NYC:
* I would get to spend Christmas and New Year with some relatives and friends whom I haven't seen in 2.5 years, and I would meet my cousin's husband for the first time
* But, NYC will not be as warm as Miami
* I would have to do a lot of exploring on my own because the people I am visiting will be working during the day. However, I know NYC fairly well so I would not mind spending some quality time with myself, at least during the day while everyone is at work.
* Last time I was in NYC on New Year's Eve (2004) I did not go to the Times Square to see the ball drop and I regretted it A LOT, so now I can finally go back and correct my mistake :)

Last but not least, NYC would be much more economical since I have a free place to stay, and most importantly, I would get to eat some food from HOME!

Well, I guess I still have time to play around, but wherever I end up going, I am looking forward to Christmas already!

Random facts...

I was just analyzing my summer job and I realized how many things I have learned since June. I did learn quite a bit during my first year of law school, but at the same time, those things made little or no sense because I did not really get to see how they worked in real life. This summer I had an opportunity to apply the concepts I learned in class to real life scenarios which has greatly increased my understanding of a lot of the topics we discussed in class.

In the course of my summer I also learned a lot of fun facts... You would be surprised how entertaining legal research can be.... for instance, I was researching the laws regarding alcohol sales in Maine when I found out that alcohol sales are permitted from 6 a.m. every day until 1 a.m. the next day, except Sundays. On Sundays alcohol can be sold from 9 a.m. until 1 a.m. the next day, unless you are a police officer - police officers are the only persons who can purchase alcohol between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m. on Sundays in the course of performing their job duties. Now, the question is, why would a police officer need to buy alcohol at 6 a.m. on Sunday morning in the course of his job? Any ideas out there? I also did a fair amount of research on the FDA regulations regarding the labeling of various food products, the use of food additives, etc. Did you know that food additives include lubricants as well? Apparently, whale sperm can be used in some products as a food additive. To be honest, I did not want to know what those products are so I did my best to avoid it. I was already feeling pretty disgusted by all the chemicals they add into the food, so I figured I would just leave it at that. I think that has definitely made me want to eat healthier - thanks God there is a farmer's market on Nicollet every Thursday... Anyways, as you can tell, every job can be fun... Oh, and I almost forgot, Westlaw has this thing called the "headnote of the day" so every day they will send you an email with some kind of funny headnote from REAL cases... for instance, did you know that dogs do not have a constitutionally guaranteed right to travel?

About being busy...

Do you feel like you have so much to do you don't even know where to start? If so, you and I are in the same boat. There is so much going on but I am trying to focus on one thing at a time and so far it's been working, but it is making me kind of tired... Lately my favorite part of the day is when I finally get to go to bed :) However, recently I realized that over the summer I kind of changed my sleeping pattern - last year I used to go to bed around 1 a.m. and I would wake up very tired around 8 a.m. Now I go to bed around 11:30p.m. and as a result I have no problem getting up even as early as 7a.m. in the morning... Plus, now I can walk from home to work/school which is great because it gives me a chance to breathe some clean (well, arguably...) air and wake myself up before I get to class/work... well, this post does not really have any lessons or wisdom in it, but I guess I could just say that if you feel overwhelmed with all the things you need to do, it is a good idea to just focus on one thing at a time, otherwise you will make yourself stressed and your productivity will go down. So make a list, and then scratch things off as you get them done - believe me, sometimes in my head it feels like I have a year's worth of work to do, but once I write everything down, it's not that bad after all...

Everything has an end...

I was just thinking how EVERYTHING in this life has an end... Therefore, when you are sad, it is important to remember that soon your sadness will be over and you will be doing something that makes you happy. I was just talking to someone whom I respect a lot and after talking with her for about an hour I realized how silly it is to spend time fretting about things. Sometimes there are things that you know you can't change, and yet, you keep thinking about it and keep making yourself miserable. The question is: WHY? There is no rational answer. We do it because we are human and we can't help but feel sorry for ourselves every once in a while. That, in my opinion, is one of the most self-defeating things one could do. Thus, my advice for the day: it's okay to be sad sometimes, but don't forget that soon you will be happy again. You are not the first person to be sad, and you won't be the last. Life always has better things in store for you, you just have to stay open and not ignore all the great things life has to offer. I feel that a lot of times we pay attention to the bad, but completely ignore good things that happen in our everyday lives. For instance, look at the media: what do we hear about every day? The war, the hurricanes, the economic crisis, prices going up, people are hungry and homeless, etc. The media almost never talks about some of the great things people do on a daily basis...

If anyone reads this blog (I doubt...) I want you to notice all the good things that happen in your life every day... I want you to remind yourself that even though life may seem tough sometimes, there are better things awaiting you in the future. You just have to keep going in order to get there...

Sorry if this post does not seem very well-organized, I am just writing down my thoughts as they come into my head...

Emotions....

Emotions.... sometimes they can make life more enjoyable and other times they make your life miserable... they can be good, and they can be bad.... but the biggest question is: is there a way to control them? Do we control our emotions, or do they control us? I suppose in some situations we are better able to handle our emotions than others... But what about those situations when you feel absolutely helpless and your emotions are preventing you from making solid decisions? I guess these kinds of situations are very personal, and each one of us has a different way of handling it. What are some of the ways that people deal with emotions? How do we make a choice between heart and mind? When do we listen to the heart rather than the mind, and vice versa? Any good ideas out there?

lodini da monatreba....

I am going back to a topic I started in one of my earlier posts.... why is it that there is always someone we are missing, someone we are waiting for? I have been thinking lately that there are so many people in my life whom I miss on a daily basis, and yet, there is nothing I can do about it. Every once in a while I feel that my life is all about waiting... waiting for someone or something... sometimes I feel that it ruins my present because I am so focused on the future that I ignore what is going on right now, right this moment... I guess another thing that contributes to all this is that I am the kind of person who loves to plan things way ahead of time. I always have an idea of what I will be doing 1 year from now, 5 years, 10 years, etc. I suppose it is good to look ahead and see your future, but I think it is also important not to forget the present because if you mess something up now, your future is not going to be quite the way you planned it. And even though I know all of this, sometimes I still forget that life is not happening in the future, life is happening now and I need to live in the "now."